My entire life, people have always told me that I was stupid and after a while I started to believe them and it wasn’t until I walked in this room and joined this club that I really started believing in myself. As soon as I did that, as soon as I started believing that maybe I was smart after all, I think the whole world did too.
#Remember way back in Season Three when Santana talked to her grandmother about how exhausting it was for her#to live every day as if she were fighting a war—walking around with her head held high even when she felt low#having to wear armor and guard herself against everything including her own feelings lest she show#any sign of weakness and be taken down for it?#Well the fact is that feeling didn’t entirely disappear from Santana’s life after high school—in fact if anything#it followed Santana straight to New York#Don’t get me wrong: Santana has had some good times living the city life#But by and large? She’s had to maintain that façade of strength from the moment she moved into the Loft#For as much as Santana wants desperately for Hummelberry to be her friends she still hasn’t gotten to a place#where she can be truly vulnerable with them; she still has to maintain a certain poise and invincibility in their presence#She tries to make an inroad towards being vulnerable with Rachel in 5x09 but that decision comes back to bite her#during her and Rachel’s feud. So for the past few weeks leading up to this scene in 5x13 in particular?#Santana has had to be especially defensive just to get by#As the audience we can see that it exhausts her to do so but no one else can—no one except Brittany#What a huge thing it is that the instant Santana drops her guard and allows herself to want what she wants#she snuggles into Brittany’s side and makes herself completely vulnerable#Not only does it show how much she needed the respite but it also shows how much she trusts Brittany—how much#Brittany is her safe place#With Brittany Santana doesn’t have to be hard or mean or guarded#She can be small and soft and know that Brittany will just hold her without judging#That’s what true intimacy is#And for someone like Santana? That’s huge
Sophomore year, I used to sit in this back row and secretly watch you. I counted the number of times you’d smile at me, and I’d die on days that you didn’t.
Santana always looks like she is thinking “I cannot believe this fucking perfect, beautiful angel is actually saying she loves me.”
I'm sure now, more than ever, that I belong with you.